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November 26 | Here's How Opposite-Sex Friendships Will Change After Marriage!👥

November 26, 2021

tips & tricks for growth

what to do when you aren't crazy about your future in-laws

When you marry the love of your life, they bring so many different things to the table for the two of you to share. Their personality, adoration for you, commitment, maybe some furniture or experience with things you don’t know how to do. And don’t get me wrong—this sounds lovely (and it is…) until one of the things they bring to the table are in-laws. If you’re honest, it’s possible you aren’t crazy about your future in-laws, to put it politely. In fact, you’ve decided what you want to bring to the table in your relationship is an extra table 😡 … one that doesn’t always have seats for the future in-laws… but that’s not really the solution. (And don’t assume that your fiancé doesn’t have any issues with YOUR parents.) It’s okay to not be fond of your fiancé’s parents, but you also have to be okay with them being a part of your lives in some capacity. You can’t marry your fiancé without also understanding you are essentially marrying into their family. So let’s put together a game plan so when the visits begin, you won’t be nervous to pull up a chair to the table!

Here's some things you can do:

1. Talk about your concern with your fiancé.

If it hasn’t come up already, be honest with your fiancé about your concerns and why you feel they’re important.

2. Set Boundaries Early-On.

Prepare yourselves and have a plan in place.

3. Location, location, location.

If you both know your future in-laws are the type to drop by, overstay their welcome, or cross boundaries like finish lines, then it may be a sign to move somewhere that makes it less of a possibility.

6 ways to keep a conversation from getting derailed

Holidays are supposed to be a time of love and joy when you gather and celebrate family, friends, and traditions. Those celebrations can easily be derailed when you find yourself in an uncomfortable or controversial conversation. There’s no shortage of hot topics to navigate around if you want to have a peaceful gathering with friends and family. But try as you may, you just might find yourself discussing a divisive issue. You know you and a loved one aren’t on the same page about this topic, and you’re ok with that, but you don’t want a conversation to hurt the relationship.

So, how do you stop the conversation before it goes too far?

1. Shine a different light on what’s being said.

If the other person says, “I don’t want to fight about this,” you can reply with, “I don’t want to fight either. Let’s have a discussion.”

2. Rephrase what’s being said.

Instead of calling someone stubborn, call them persistent or determined.

3. Reflect on a positive past experience.

Relationships are full of positive and negative interactions. A present negative doesn’t have to tear down a mostly positive past.

4. Clarify what you heard by restating what the other person said.

We’re all guilty of speaking faster than our brain can work.

5. Ask a question.

Maybe your friend or family member didn’t mean to intentionally hurt or insult you. Perhaps they chose words too quickly. Ask, “Would you clarify what you just said?”

6. Revisit the conversation at a later time.

There’s nothing wrong with bluntly saying, “I don’t think either of us is at our best right now. Can we pause this conversation and revisit it another day?" Remember, conversations are building blocks to help us get to know each other better. They are how we deepen and develop relationships. Don’t let one heated exchange destroy a lifelong relationship. It’s easy to fall into the trap of wanting to be correct, but do you want to be right, or do you want to be in a relationship? You can’t always have both.

what we're lovin'

This week's picks come from Mitchell Qualls, husband of 17 years to his wife Dalet, a dad of 2, and the Operations Director here at First Things First. Take a peek at his recommendations for this week because they are just THAT GOOD.Check 'em out 👀: 💛 @mylovethinks- is a stellar Instagram account. Dr. Morgan Cutlip offers amazing, practical advice for relationships. I love to share her posts with my wife. 📲 @thesecurerelationship on Instagram- is totally worth a follow. Julie Menanno is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. She shares practical skills to help you deepen your relationship. What better way to start a marriage than by focusing on improving your relationship skills? 📔 One of the best things my wife and I did was start a Dream Journal. A Dream Journal is where you both write down all your dreams. You can dream big or dream small! Have fun discovering each other’s dreams and make plans to achieve those dreams together. You don’t need a special journal either; grab your favorite (I love a Moleskine) and get creative.

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