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November 26 | Here's Your Next Hollidate Night Idea!🎄

November 26, 2021

tips & tricks for growth

how to overcome built up resentment in marriage

If you knew a killer was in your house, you’d fight to protect your family, right? Well, built-up resentment can be a silent killer in marriage that’s hard (but not impossible) to overcome. Festering resentment affects what you think of your spouse and how much you trust them. It can erode emotional intimacy and connectedness. It can also lead to contempt, which is something you definitely don’t want in your marriage. It’s painful when your spouse hurts, disappoints, or makes you angry over and over again. Those unresolved issues, repeated disappointments, and unmet expectations can leave you feeling stuck in a nasty rhythm. You may even be wondering if you can ever move past the resentment you feel. Or even like your spouse again. You’re not alone or crazy. And resentment is something EVERYONE struggles with. Overcoming built-up resentment in marriage isn't easy.

These tips can help as you try to overcome resentment toward your spouse:

📍Choose to let some things go.

📍Empathize and recognize.

📍Forgive and Apologize.

📍Retrain your brain.

📍Be honest with yourself.

📍Be honest with your spouse.

📍Get the support your marriage needs.

Resentment can totally kill your marriage if you don’t deal with it, so working through resentment is worth the effort.Together, you can overcome the obstacles, attack the issues instead of each other, and move forward in your marriage.

6 ways to keep a conversation from getting derailed

Holidays are supposed to be a time of love and joy when you gather and celebrate family, friends, and traditions. Those celebrations can easily be derailed when you find yourself in an uncomfortable or controversial conversation. There’s no shortage of hot topics to navigate around if you want to have a peaceful gathering with friends and family. But try as you may, you just might find yourself discussing a divisive issue. You know you and a loved one aren’t on the same page about this topic, and you’re ok with that, but you don’t want a conversation to hurt the relationship.

So, how do you stop the conversation before it goes too far?

1. Shine a different light on what’s being said.

If the other person says, “I don’t want to fight about this,” you can reply with, “I don’t want to fight either. Let’s have a discussion.”

2. Rephrase what’s being said.

Instead of calling someone stubborn, call them persistent or determined.

3. Reflect on a positive past experience.

Relationships are full of positive and negative interactions. A present negative doesn’t have to tear down a mostly positive past.

4. Clarify what you heard by restating what the other person said.

We’re all guilty of speaking faster than our brain can work.

5. Ask a question.

Maybe your friend or family member didn’t mean to intentionally hurt or insult you. Perhaps they chose words too quickly. Ask, “Would you clarify what you just said?”

6. Revisit the conversation at a later time.

There’s nothing wrong with bluntly saying, “I don’t think either of us is at our best right now. Can we pause this conversation and revisit it another day?" Remember, conversations are building blocks to help us get to know each other better. They are how we deepen and develop relationships. Don’t let one heated exchange destroy a lifelong relationship. It’s easy to fall into the trap of wanting to be correct, but do you want to be right, or do you want to be in a relationship? You can’t always have both.

what we're lovin'

This week's picks come from Mitchell Qualls, husband of 17 years to his wife Dalet, a dad of 2, and the Operations Director here at First Things First. Take a peek at his recommendations for this week because they are just THAT GOOD.Check 'em out 👀: 📲 @datingdivas- is a fun instagram account. It's all about making your marriage fun, flirty, sexy, strong and full of love. They have great tips and fun videos. 💬 Just Between Us- is a text app that my wife and I love to use. You can send flirty texts and fun questions. And it's password protected so the kids can't get into it if they have our phones. Makes it easy to have private conversations. 🎧 One Extraordinary Marriage- is one of my favorite podcasts. Tony & Alisa get real and talk about issues couples face that undermine intimacy in their relationships.

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